Dancing Between Chaos and Order – Living with Both Autism and ADHD

What happens when you combine the flightiness, spaciness, and quick thinking of ADHD with the rigid, structured thinking and need for control of Autism? 

For the longest time, medical science didn’t understand that you could be both. It seems counterintuitive – how can you simultaneously be a rigid thinker and also make lightening leaps of connection? How can you be bothered by minor changes to routine and yet crave excitement and novelty? 

It wasn’t until about 2012, with the updates to the DSM-V, that both Autism and ADHD were allowed to be diagnosed as “co-occurring conditions”. In other words, medical science finally found enough evidence to say “yes, you can be both ADHD and Autistic. 

Living with Two Brains 

So what is it like living with both neurotypes? In a word, chaos. 

ADHD wants newness, novelty, the next dopamine hit to stave off boredom. Your brain is always firing, always taking in information to transfer to the orderly Autistic side. You make rapid fire connections between thoughts and ideas one moment, forget them the next. It can be easy to “go off the rails” and get lost down rabbit holes. 

Autism wants structure and sameness. It craves the comfort of the known, the understood. It wants to sit and absorb information slowly so that every detail and nuance are properly catalogued and stored correctly. It doesn’t like fast change, excitement, or thrills. Steady, careful comfort are what keep it calm and functioning. 

The two clash daily, sometimes hourly.  

But if you can find a middle ground, learn how to weave the two together into a seamless whole, you can take on the world. 

Why the Standard “Treatments” and Therapies Don’t Work if You’re AuDHD 

Most of the accepted treatments and therapies focus on either ADHD or Autism; rarely do they support both. 

But with a suspected 50-70% co-occurrence between the two, the line needs to be thinner. Counselors, coaches, and therapists need to understand both to properly support your brain. 

You need both stimulation and time to rest, to absorb what you’ve experienced. You need novelty, but in controlled bursts so you don’t get overwhelmed. You need focus, but it needs to be holistic and encompass the whole body; it’s not just about taking a pill and getting your brain back when you’re AuDHD. 

In fact – many ADHD medications work against an AuDHD brain. There are noticeable, significant structural and chemical differences in the two. And even your genetics will notice when you focus on “managing” one more than the other. 

What works bets for most AuDHDers is a personalized mixture of all available methods and treatments. 

Some will do well on medication, at least for a short while. But it needs to be paired with cognitive and executive functioning support so that they learn how to support their brain and system. 

Others will do fine with just a coach, someone that can come in and help them to organize their life to best utilize their strengths. They will learn through experimentation and doing how to bring out their strengths and bolster their weaknesses. 

And still others will require more support, especially if they are in burnout or experiencing certain life changes such as menopause, pregnancy, or other forms of hormone disruption. New research is showing that hormones play a huge role in how neurodivergent brains function and how we can best support ourselves. 

So no matter what you need, there are ways to find tailored support and help. But you have to look for yourself. 

Understanding Yourself to Find Support – You Are Not Alone 

I briefly mention this on the page “Understanding Neurodivergence” and offer some starting places for resources and information. I will not go into further detail, as that is not the point of this article. 

However, just note that there are a ton (and growing) of resources out there to help you in your journey. 

From diagnostic tools to help you self-identify to lists of medical professionals that can be trusted to give honest feedback and push for the right diagnosis – Autistic, ADHD, or otherwise – all it takes is a quick search. 

If you are questioning, if you are looking for your “tribe” – we are out there.  

And we are waiting to welcome you into the wide world of being neurodivergently weird and awesome.